Budget?

In light of the recent never-ending  discussion of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, one fact about the soon to be (maybe by next year) Broadway musical. $60 million. It’s been no secret that the show is costing somewhere in the ballpark of $60 million.

Who in their right state of mind would make a Broadway musical on a movie budget?* Better yet, what show would I mount on Broadway with $60 million? Cue the list:

1) Wicked: One of the highest grossing and most popular musicals of all time is my first choice. The show’s numbers suggest that the production is doing something right, but I feel like the show can be bigger and better. First, the flying monkeys. Love them to death, but they look a little cartoony. I suggest finding actors that don’t mind being in a show for a long time and instead of strapping wings on them, we surgically attach fully functioning wings to them. Also, Glinda damn well better be riding in on a real bubble, the Tin Man will be made out of tin, Elphaba needs to learn how to fly without a cherry picker, and there best be a lion around. Top it all off by gold-plating the chairs in the Gershwin theatre so that the whole place looks like the yellow brick road and it’s a hit.

2) We Will Rock You: Resurrect Freddy Mercury. Enough said.

3) Batman: The Musical: Everyone knows that Batman is a better character for a musical than Spider-Man is. Besides that obvious point, think about it. What could possibly be better than watching Batman chase the Joker around a scale set of Gotham City… while singing? Dear lord, with $60 million you might even be able to get Adam West to put on a costume… Poison Ivy’s. Don’t tell me I’m the only one that longs to see that. Really? Well alright then.

4) Titanic: I might venture to say that this is one of the more misunderstood musicals of the 1990s, but an interesting piece of theatre. Give me $60 million and I can promise you that you’re going to need a theatre big enough to hold a scale replica of the Titanic. Add in an iceberg that crashes down from the ceiling (Thank you Andrew Lloyd Webber), a hydraulic lift that plunges the ship beneath the stage, and a good enough water pump to fill the audience with ice cold water and we’ve got a fun evening for the whole family.

5) The Little Mermaid: Alright, so maybe it wasn’t everyone’s favorite piece of theatre, but for $60 million I’ll just build an aquarium for the kiddies. Once a week I’ll dress the fish up and play the movie over the intercom.

Alright, investors, make me an offer.

*Yeah, we all know that Julie Taymor is the obvious choice, even if she had never touched Spider-Man.**

**Poor bastard.

I’m Ready for My Closeup, Mr. Parker

Alright, so all of you wonderful readers out there might be wondering what happened to the blog. I am sure that there is a perfectly good explanation behind the sudden lack of posts on here. Doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you it.

Anyway, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, the most expensive Broadway production to ever be placed upon the Great White Way, has finally released some new photos. This could possibly be a distraction from Julie Taymor’s “catapult of death,” but who cares? Now the Broadway community and comic book nerds all over the country can finally see what $60 million can do.

The photos, seen here, were taken by renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz for Vogue Magazine. Don’t the actors look like they’re having so much fun?

Spider-Man Update: Emma Stone Offered Role of Mary Jane

As I mentioned in my post a couple of days ago, there’s been quite the casting race for the new Spider-Man film with several actresses being tossed around in consideration for Spidey’s love interests Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane. Deadline reported earlier today that Sony Pictures Entertainment is going to imminently offer the role of MJ to contender Emma Stone (my personal favorite). Emma’s been doing very well for herself, having worked with this studio in the past on Zombieland and the most recent The Easy A so hopefully she’ll accept the offer and and nail another great part. Emma Stone is pretty. She should be in more movies. I like Emma Stone.

*Ahem* Sorry about that. So yeah, more info on Spider-Man updates as they develop.

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark

Everyone, mark your calenders. The greatest musical opening since Starlight Express is about to happen. On November 14, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark will begin previews on Broadway at the Foxwoods Theatre.

Julie Taymor (Most famous for directing Disney’s The Lion King) is back in the director’s chair. She also co-wrote the libretto with Glen Berger. But that is not the most interesting part of the creative team. The music and lyrics have been written by two huge names of musical theatre: Bono and The Edge. You read that right.

You might be asking yourself just what exactly this $54 million musical is about. It really is quite simple. Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive spider. After crying and moaning that he can’t get the girl of his dreams, he realizes that he has superpowers and attempts to use them for good. When the struggle of saving his city becomes too much for the teenage superhero, he continues to cry and moan. Only now he’s trying to turn off the dark… whatever that means.

The musical appears to be much better than that, though. Unlike the past three movies (Simply titled Spider-Man I, II, and III) this musical will actually contain a plethora of villains. Audiences can expect to see the Green Goblin, Kraven the Hunter, Lizard, Carnage, Grim Hunter, and the new villain known as Swiss Miss (Insert clever joke about the drink here).

There is no telling just how exactly this musical will turn out. It should be noted that, as stated above, the musical is going into the newly named Foxwoods Theatre. The former name of it was the Hilton Theatre, which had killed more shows than the uttering of the “M” word.

The musical officially opens on December 21. For further information about this glorious piece of theatre, check out their website.