Top Ten Movies for Independence Day

It’s that time of year again everybody! Bust out your American flag track suit, a stack of roman candles, and head on out to the closest neighborhood BBQ you can find! Seriously, just walk in! You don’t have to know them, it’s America’s Birthday, damn it, they have to let you in! Or you can just watch a bunch of movies, such as these ten that I have conveniently compiled into a list. They’re not all necessarily movies about Independence day, but they’re all movies that’ll have you shoutin’ “America Fuck Yeah!” Well one of them definitely will anyway…

National Treasure (2004)

Say what you will about Nicolas Cage (he’s Bitchy Queen’s favorite actor, but we’ve come to realize not everyone holds the same amount of respect for him) this is a fun movie. Using the history and mystery of our great America as it’s main plot, it’s got lots of patriotic sights to see and a fair amount of action as well. All in all a fun ride!

1776 (1972)

I’ll admit, this movie isn’t too good. I’ve heard the original stage version is much better, but I’ve never seen it so I can’t compare the two, HOWEVER where else will you get to see Mr. Feeney singing and dancing as John Adams? I mean come on, for God’s sake John Sit Down!

 

Rocky IV (1985)

It’s hard to make a more patriotic movie than this: Rocky Balboa punches the entire Soviet Union in the face. What isn’t to like? In all seriousness, it’s a good film with Stallone at his best and will make a great 4th of July flick. He is draped in the American flag on the cover, after all.

 

Rambo II (1985)

I ain’t done with Stallone just yet! While the first Rambo isn’t exactly the best “Go USA” type of movie (what with the whole America’s poor treatment of veterans and everything) First Blood: Part II is as America as you can get! Shootin’ up Soviets and Vietnamese.

 

Team America: World Police (2004)

I don’t really think I need to say anything other than this:

JFK (1991)

This is more of a political scandal sort of flick, more than one celebrating patriotism but it does revolve around one of the biggest national tragedies: the assassination of JFK. Tommy Lee Jones and Kevin Costner star in this controversial Oliver Stone flick, add in an amazing performance of Gary Oldman as Lee Harvey Oswald and you’ve got yourself one heckuva a crime drama.

Air Force One (1997)

Hey, speaking of Gary Oldman why not watch him and Harrison Ford duke it out in typical Soviet V. USA style? There ain’t nothin’ better than watching President Harrison Ford kicking some terrorist ass!

All the President’s Men (1976)

This film doesn’t exactly cover one of America’s, uh, finer moments but it is an interesting story about two Washington Post reporters uncovering the details of the Watergate scandal. With two amazing performances from Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford, you don’t wanna miss this one.

A League of Their Own (1992)

You can’t go wrong with a movie all about America’s favorite pastime, and A League of Their Own is one of the finest baseball movies ever made. An amazing performance from Tom Hanks as the alcoholic manager Jimmy Dugan of an all female professional baseball team, The Peaches is reason enough to check this one out. But the rest of the performances in this movie are all fantastic, and is an all-around great story!

Independence Day (1996)

Well with a name like that it’d be hard to not finish off this list. For real though, Will Smith and the USA teaming up with the rest of the world to blow the crap out of some aliens. This is the one you’ll all be watching.

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Happy Birthday Lindsay (Slow News Day)

July 2nd! The birthday of everybody’s beloved child-star turned crack-head, Ms. Lindsay Lohan! In honor of Bitchy Queens’ favorite actress, we’ve decided to give you all a glimpse of this phenomenal star’s transformation over the last 25 years (note, the music in this video is pretty ridiculous, like dramatic B-movie horror music).

Holy Bat-Ramadan!

Quick, what’s the most anticipated film this summer? What’s that? No, besides The Avengers. Hmm? No, not Magic Mike. That’s right, The Freaking Dark Knight Freaking Rises!

Starring Freaking Batman

Batman and movie fans alike will get to enjoy what is more than likely going to be the best movie made by humans, all over the globe July 20th. Batman and movie fans all over the globe, except the United Arab Emirates or other countries in that area, such as, oh I dunno, the country where I’m spending the majority of my summer. It won’t find release over here until nearly a month later, and the main reason for this being that July 20th falls on the first day of Ramadan, or the first month of Islamic fasting. Basically Ramadan is a time where practicing Muslims don’t eat or drink during the daylight hours, pray more often than usual, and is a time for them to show patience, sacrifice, and submissiveness to God. During this time, Muslims are expected to avoid any irreligious and obscene sights and sounds, so I suppose any sort of film that isn’t about God, or in this case The Freaking Dark Knight Freaking Rises. 

The main decision behind this delay comes out of Shooting Stars, the film’s regional distributor. The claim is that it is delayed “Out of respect for the UAE and Islamic customs during the Holy Month of Ramadan”. So around this time of year, the movie theaters are treated with all sorts of re-release goodies instead. Just take a look at a couple of these A-List titles:

  • The Big Wedding 
  • Recoil
  • Dancing Ninja 

I actually had to look Dancing Ninja up. Apparently it’s about “An orphaned boy who dreams of being a ninja that arrives in Hollywood to try and find his birth parents, where he gets mixed up in a crime.” Not sure when the dancing comes in. Also it’s got David Hasselhoff and some kid from Halloweentown High. 

“But wait!” you shout, “if you can’t watch films during Ramadan, why are the movie theaters even open? This sounds more like a ploy from the movie distribution companies to not lose money on a big, mega-hit blockbuster, more than out of respect for religious worship!” Well said! And it appears you wouldn’t be the only person to think that way, there is apparently a pretty big uproar from fans in the area that have started several online petitions to bring Batman to the UAE July 20th. While it’s great to see multi-cultural bat-heads rally together to bring this gem to movie screens at a reasonable time, I don’t have very high hopes. The distribution companies, much like the non-geeks of the world, have the same “get the hell over it, you’ll see it in a month” mentality. They just don’t understand the injustice of the issue! They don’t care that we’ll all more than likely know how the movie ends before we even get a chance to see it (stupid blogs!) So keep up the online petitions, let your voice be heard, just know that despite your best efforts you’ll more than likely be watching this:

Upcoming Releases – October 8th, 2010

Hey guys, as you all know this past weekend we had a bunch of big name movie releases (The Social Network, Case 39, Let Me In and Freakonomics) and while this coming weekend is a little slow for the mainstream films, theres still a crap-load of stuff comin out. Here are a list of films to be released October 8th:

Cherry (Limited)

I Spit on your Grave: Unrated (limited)

Inside Job (NY; LA release: October 15)

It’s a Wonderful Afterlife (Limited)

Letters to Father Jacob (NY; LA release: October 15)

Life as We Know It

Marwencol (NY; LA release: November 12)

My Soul to Take (3D/2D Theaters)

Nowhere Boy (Limited)

Rachel (NY)

Secretariat

Stone (Limited)

Tamara Drewe (NY, LA)

Check ’em out and see what looks good to you and the following weekend’s releases will be posted later this week.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Movie Going Strong

Source: Variety

Before I explain anything about this movie, here is a description of the book from which it is based, given by the publisher Grand Central Publishing:

Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls through the dense woods that surround a one-room cabin, where a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his suffering mother’s bedside. She’s been stricken with something the old-timers call “Milk Sickness.”

“My baby boy…” she whispers before dying.

Only later will the grieving Abe learn that his mother’s fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire.

When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, he writes in his journal, “henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose…” Gifted with his legendary height, strength, and skill with an ax, Abe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead him all the way to the White House.

While Abraham Lincoln is widely lauded for saving a Union and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. That is, until Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The Secret Journal of Abraham Lincoln, and became the first living person to lay eyes on it in more than 140 years.

Using the journal as his guide and writing in the grand biographical style of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true life story of our greatest president for the first time-all while revealing the hidden history behind the Civil War and uncovering the role vampires played in the birth, growth, and near-death of our nation.

Yes. 20th Century Fox has acquired the film rights for the adaptation of this Seth Graham-Smithe book. It will be directed by Timur Bekmambetov and produced by Tim Burton and will hopefully be released in 2012, assuming the world doesn’t end.

I have never heard of this book but all I want to do right now is read it. This is fantastic people, absolutely fantastic.

Spider-Man’s Menage A Trois

So we should all know by now that in the wake of Hollywood’s “quick let’s remake every single movie that doesn’t need a remake in any way” phase, Spider-Man is scheduled to go through what may very well become the annual re-booting process.

Now, not much has been released about what exactly this movie is going to focus on until just recently when it was announced that the movie is going to touch on a dilemma that fans of the comic will be familiar with: will Parker choose the girl next door, Mary Jane Watson or the blonde bombshell Gwen Stacy?

Kirsten Dunst and Bryce Dallas Howard, the two actresses who played these roles in the original films, are out and so the casting race for Spidey’s love interest is on. Emma Stone (Easy A, Superbad) and Lily Collins (The Blind Side) are in the running for Mary Jane and Mia Wasikowska (Alice in Wonderland, The Kids are All Right) and Teresa Palmer (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) are going after Gwen Stacy.

I’m not exactly sure where I stand on this whole re-making Spider-Man business, but this cast doesn’t look so bad I suppose, with the exception that Spider-Man is going to be played by some fresh meat (nobody knows who the hell Andrew Garfield is). I wouldn’t mind seeing Emma Stone as MJ though, and that is in no way a result of the massive crush I have on her…